a love rant.

Since the name of the blog does read hopeless-sex-crazed-romantic… I’d like to emphasize a bit more on the hopeless romantic part.

I want to be loved and I want to love back. But that doesn’t mean I always look for love..that I can’t be alone for a while. Hmm.. perhaps that is exactly what that means. For the past few years I have just been jumping from boy to boy to boy with hardly any breaks in between. I am boy crazy. I don’t understand how some girls complain about not being able to find a guy. Maybe I am just not that picky… but I think it is just because I love the male sex. I obviously have qualities I look for in a guy but so many guys have such great qualities about them, I just want to melt. It scares me that I hardly ever just have one guy in my life. No, no, not me. I usually have the boy I am seeing, the boy I am talking to so if the boy I am seeing does something I disapprove of, then I can go to this boy, and just a few other guys that I enjoy conversing with. I know this is all part of my defense mechanism. The part of me that has gotten hurt in the past and attempts to not get hurt in the future. I don’t think this is the most effective defense mechanism and definitely not the most mature but for now, it’s all I got.

I am in love with love and boys. I love to be around testosterone. I just love watching guys be guys.. I am getting horny just writing this because I’m picturing the reasons why I love boys. There are so many. And each guy gets his own reason as to what I love about him.

The problem is…if I continue to be this way..how will I be happy? How can I have a meaningful, satisfying, healthy relationship? How can I give my all to one guy while missing another? I hope one day this changes. That one day perhaps I will find the guy who has everything I need…that I won’t feel the need to have my defense mechanisms with..or that I will grow out of it..and be ready to be with that one guy. But I guess for now I’m still young and am searching for what it is that I truly want from a man, from myself, and from life.

xo.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY