neglect.

I have been neglecting my little diary of a blog for the past month or so but that’s only because I was busy with finishing up with finals, getting a new job, and getting trashed in celebration of the two. I have so much to write about…so many things happened recently that have been fucking with my head. I’m at a weird place right now…but tonight is not the night I share my stories..tonight is the night I remind my little blog that I haven’t forgotten about her.

Shitty mood.

Has inevitably made me miss my ex boy and the sexual pleasures we used to share. Not mixing up with missing him for him, because the boy I do not miss.. that compassionate-less boy is not one to be missed by me anytime soon. But after the failed sex attempt this weekend and the shitty mood I am in right now I am thinking back to the way he handled me just the way I love to be handled. Rough and nasty but sweet and caring at the same time. The dirty things he did to me that always pushed me over the edge but didn’t make me uncomfortable. The way he did these things I secretly wish other boys would do to me but don’t have it in me to speak up about them. The way he made me feel like the dirty whore that I am. Sometimes. Oh how I’d want some of that right now. This shitty mood makes me think I’ll never be able to have everything I need in one person: the guy who can push my sexual boundaries and the guy who does not drive me crazy.

Tonight I have that weird melancholy feeling I get sometimes that reminds me of what I am longing for and yet not feeling I’d be able to enjoy it at the same time.

This sucks .. furious masturbation doesn’t even seem to be appealing tonight. Well okay enough of that rant… x to the o.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY